Two Kinds of Knowledge, both result in Courage

Last night 17 of us met at The Glass House to enjoy some fantastic wine and discuss Tip #2 for our Year of Courage. An interesting turn of thoughts given that most of our friends are indulging in hugs, chocolate and red candies to make the most of this heart filled month.

We, on the other hand discovered another gem for February. Our subject was that knowledge is key in our performance and peace of mind and I submitted that there are two kinds to embrace.

Practical Knowledge: This is the kind of understand that is deep inside us, gleaned from experience or study. To explain it plainly, think of a nurse who can move about her day without even thinking twice about its rhythm. She has administered a hundred IV's, given thousands of shots, taken innumerable blood pressure readings and for the most part, developed a keep sense of what to watch for and how it fits with the whole of her day. Her courage is subtle in these situation because of her Practical Knowledge. We each use this kind of know how daily based on our vocation and training. More of it in any work situation that seems fearful will result in more courage.

Visceral Knowledge: Ah, here's the one that we need more of and will fill in all the rest of the gaps when the practical knowledge is waning or non existent. It consists of the things felt in the heart and in the soul. I'm not necessarily placing this in the faith category, this is more about the things that give us the ability to keep moving forward. Sure, we have no idea what will happen in relationships, or what life has in store. Things end, people change, illnesses and tragedy take precious things from us. And I would guess that a feeling of fear comes from the fact that we don not have control over those things or their outcome. However, we can KNOW certain things and rely on their soothing properties in times of emptiness -- We know how good the sun feels on our faces after a cold night. We know that a hug from a friend makes everything feel possible, we know that time will pass and bring us either new opportunities or a chance to grieve and heal. We know that the face of a child is a window to heaven, and that the smell of a rose or the feel of cool grass under our feet reminds us that being human is a very special gift.

There is a story about Albert Einstein and his teachers aide who at the end of one semester notices that Einstein was administering the same test that he did the semester before. "Sir, I am sorry to bring this up but this is the same test you gave last year. Won't everyone have an unfair advantage given that your previous students have discussed their experiences with you?" Einstein smiled at the aide and calmy answered. "Yes, the test is the same, but you see, the answers are all different."

And so it is with us, as we struggle to control the uncontrollable, thinking that once we conquer one things it is done forever. Life is not that way, and that is why the Visceral knowledge is so important to courage. Be calm, let each day unfold and tell you her own secrets, which like you, change each day.

The Majesty Beyond The Trial

Over the holidays my husband Ron and I visited the Grand Tetons National Park in Wyoming with family out west. Okay, so lets just say that if you don't like cold, this is not the place to be! Sure, the sun was shining, brightly in fact. But minus 2 degrees is about 70 less that I like.Majesty or not, wearing two coats, thermals, and boots make for a confined tourist.

But there is more to the story, as always. More because if you want to see the Tetons in December you have no choice but to bundle up like a yeti. It's part of the deal. And once I turned to view their famous silhouette, craggy and scarred by time, I realized that sometimes the most amazing things require you to perform a few rituals first so that you are fully prepared to receive their gifts. 

I can still hear the sound of of the crunching, frozen snow as we traipsed across the field seeking the perfect spot for photos. I had my husband's hand firmly in mine (albeit through 2 layers, but I knew he was there). I could see my breath fogging in front of me and then vanishing into the bluish haze like an apparition. And standing firmly on either side of us as we made our way down the path were the strong and colorful trees whose lacy, green needles framed our view.

Our theme this year is courage. -- We will highlight it's meaning at each event. And perhaps give you the nudge you need to find it.  It takes courage to go through a few rituals to earn the right to the glory. It takes courage to get out of your discomfort zone and push through the layers to see the light. (yes, I meant discomfort because I knew if you were comfortable you wouldn't be so scared.) It takes courage to know that after every other shoe has fallen, you can still put your shoes back on and get to the other side.

Last night at vivace, for our kickoff event, we found a starting point for courage. Joined by a group of women dedicated more so that I've seen in our meetings to date, gathered to connect in a genuine and helpful way. I believe it is an accurate cross section of how we all feel. Stripped to our thinnest, we now know that we cannot wear a mask to the party. And if we're going to see the majesty of our potential, we may have to bundle up. What I hope you will see in Networking, Women and Wine is the hand, clasped tightly around yours, ready to join you in the quest to see the majesty beyond the trial!

The Mother Dimension

There is the earth and sky, water and wind, and all other manner of forces that bind us together. Then, there is another dimension which can only be described as the Mother Dimension. If you have a mother or are a mother, you know what I mean. (This should include all of you, unless there’s something you need to share about which planet you’re from?)

I will attempt to define this portion of our being, this suspension between and above all other physical laws. It is indeed a place that has power over us like nothing can. Wherever we are on its bandwidth, either young or old, we are most likely experiencing angst or confusion or pressure about the fact that MOTHER is a very complicated word.

We begin by sharing the body, the fluid, the emotion and soul’s energy of our mothers, as we grow from the miracle of cells bathed in warm, life giving liquid, to that of a girl born into a world of cold, light and noise. We are tethered to our mother’s hopes, her fears, her courage and the pain of birth. We fight with her, cling to her, bargain with her and protect her, and yet we also flee from her. It is with one look or casual word from her, which either brings back the demons of a childhood gone awry or an adolescence nurtured through wisdom and patience. Let’s be honest, we have all experienced both.

We look at the outline of her face, tracing curiously a jaw line, a handprint, or a slumped shoulder that resembles our own to find meaning in our own biology. In a way, it is the closest of relationships and yet the one that must be severed in order to become individuals. The insidious poison inherent in apron strings once severed, can feed our maturity. Yet when we have children of our own, we reconnect ourselves to the Mother Dimension putting us on another course of mystery.

This is a heavy way to define mothers, but I find that all of the poetic quotes, stories and bouquets that flow in and around us this time of year, do not describe the intensity with which we manage and balance our life with and as mothers. It is a subject that we must explore and resolve, celebrate and repent from and use to build a lifeline with our inner selves. It is the key to resolving who we want to be and who we may have already become.

On May 26th,Networking, Women and Wine will sponsor and share some ideas about how to , 1. Survive being a mother, 2. Survive having a mother and 3. Reconciling the two. We will do it over a glass of wine, a hug and a smile, a gathering of women nurturing each other’s noble traits. JOIN US!

Your blooms are beautiful and valuable and unique!

I opened my blinds this morning to smell the clean air, and examine the pools of yellow water gather in my planters and the cushions of my outdoor chairs.  Beyond my patio the dogwoods are in full bloom. The forest floor, so exposed and barren only a few weeks ago, is alive with ferns, tree shoots, and the freshly dug holes by foraging deer.


I would like to have rushed the process. Winter affects me severely as I age, the darkness played havoc with my moods. In my mind, I pushed nature intentionally to begin her green parade. I wanted to hear the hearty croaking of tree frogs and watch fireflies weave through the branches like children playing hide and seek. I was certainly ready for spring before she was ready to arrive.

As we all know, nature obeys only her laws. When it is all said and done, there is luxury in her rhythms and her majesty. Her cycle of life is sure and predictable and her language is spoken with wind and warmth. However, each species is also individual and they dance to their own earthly music. There is no peer pressure for the trees that have yet to push out their adolescent blooms, no disapproving glances shot towards the river birch that has been showing off before any of her neighbors. Branches do not question their own worth. With thin, green fingers they reach as high as possible to gather the sun’s golden rays while creeping-roots extend and stretch through the loam for the secret rivers of moisture and nutrients.

What can we learn from this? First, the self worth of nature is sure and vibrant and graceful. Attaining wealth or status is moot. The cells are programmed already to flourish and survive without looking over their bark-covered shoulders to see if another tree is gaining on them. Not one umbrella of foliage worries it has come to the party with the wrong pedigree.

As we seek to balance our financial worth and our self worth, interrupted indeed by April’s forced contributions to Uncle Sam, we might retreat back into a sense of feeling stunted and limited. We may be frustrated about our lack of ability to show off our success because our plumes are thin and withered.

I challenge each of you to look deep inside and consider what it means to flourish, and to see that you deserve to stand tall. I want you to hold your posture high and know that your blossoms are beautiful and personal and spectacular! Your worth is about your uniqueness. Stretch high and reach for the sun and keep your feet anchored to a foundation of principals, and a love of life.

In April, Networking, Women and Wine will address these feelings. We will offer wisdom about ways to balance wealth and self worth. We’ll offer strategies for saving money but also thoughts about being generous with the things that cannot be counted or compared.

Don’t miss this chance to embrace the value of you!

Leaves Do It, Why Can't We?

Okay, let's just get it out there. Change is hard. I don't like it, I don't know anyone who really does. If you're a caterpillar you live for it. If you're a leaf, you have no choice. But us? I don't care how brave you are, it makes my tummy quiver.

We've talked all year with Networking, Women and Wine about living an authentic life. Our themes have revolved around courage, abundance, dreams, vacations, and careers. But before we close out 2009, we have to address the one thing that's been sitting right under our noses all along. CHANGE.

I've been through a few of them. I've moved twice in the last 14 months and plan to move into a our new house next week, so that makes three moves total. Moving is up there on the list of changes that cause a little trauma no I'm going to say I am a semi-expert right now. At least enough to whine about it in our blog.

I know, the noble will tell us we are whiners. That change is the stuff of life. After all, we have whole new bodies every few weeks given the restless nature of our cells and their love of change! And I applaud those who are facing these issues without running to the solitude of a dark closet, or clinging desperately to a teddy bear. But right now I kinds want to feel the whole, itchy, blurry, sour, thing. This happy face I'm trying to maintain is starting to look a little contorted and maybe I need to reach out and be authentic about my distaste for life-altering change!

Recently, as you know we opened our second chapter for Networking, Women and Wine, adding Lake Norman to our list of places for friendship and wine tasting. We would like to report that it was a successful first meeting, generously offering the usual sense of connection, support and laughter. In fact our intention is to spread the energy and nurturing mission of NWW all across the country. Carmen and I are ripe with ideas, and a sense of purpose and renewal in expanding our reach to all of you. But we know it still involves change. You could and can see it in the face of every new attendee that walks through the door for the first time, dons a name tag, clings quietly to the base of the wine glass, and waits to find someone that will say hello.

With all of that said, October's theme will be to embrace that exact experience. We're going to snicker in the face of those brave butterflies, fling our fears into the waiting arms of a pile of orange leaves and find, once again admit that the real courage we need to face all the changes in our lives comes from the female friendships that shore us up.

Join us on October 7th in Lake Norman at CRAVE, or on October 28th in South Charlotte at D'VINE WINE CAFE as we taste wines that symbolize CHANGE. We look forward to meeting you!

Seeing Life With Grand Clarity

It’s amazing, flying over the Grand Canyon. The landscape is pure and solemn. The river, cutting through the orange soil and red granite appears to have easily carved its place in history, cutting a blue swath of life giving waters that meander easily over sand and rock; proverbial beads of sweat trickling down Arizona’s dry, thirsty skin.

I sat there, with my nose pressed against the cold glass, a civil meal before me, a paper napkin on my lap and marveled that I could so casually view this hand print of God while moving effortlessly through the thin atmosphere of my home planet. I enjoyed an "aha" moment about the lack of clarity with which we see the minutia in our own lives as I focused on the scene below.

I thought, if it’s so easy to see the large things in life with such clarity, why do we ignore the teaching element of these perspectives? We can look at almost anything in our world from a great distance, adding layers of understanding and reflection to our brain-trust of nature’s beauty. And yet, when it comes to looking at our own life, we peer at our situation through slits of apathy.

It’s like wondering in a dark field, using only a small flashlight to guide us. As we focus the tiny circle of light on a small sampling of our daily lives, we judge the entire field on this miniature, poorly illuminated sphere. A tiny viewpoint surely limits us from seeing our life from a healthy, holistic perspective.

This narrow view is in stark contrast to my reverent vista from the skies. And yet, dreaming is in essence a way to view our lives from above. A 30-thousand foot snapshot of everything around us is the correct perspective to have if we’re going to grow in understanding and become stronger women, stronger friends; even stronger caretakers.

In terms of today, our dreams can be more positive and possible with the right perspective. Not unlike the plant that flourishes when its whole purpose is taken into account, our dreams come into focus with childlike clarity when we nudge ourselves toward this authentic, perspective-driven lifestyle. We see our future as something that we can enjoy now. We become more invested in and more present in the moment before us. Each moment becomes calming and valuable. Our time is then spent seeing, with awe, the life before us that is guiding us towards our dreams, not spent agonizing over one small, dimly lit setback.

As participants in Networking, Women and Wine, you sip the wines before you, let the liquid fill you with a light that will illuminate your WHOLE self. Then you can sit back, fasten your seat belt, and enjoy the view to a new you!