Half Empty OR All Empty?

A friend of mine inquired about my state of mind towards a potential catastrophic issue I'm dealing with.You know the type of issue I'm referring to:  No light at the end of the tunnel and probably no tracks either. And there's a good bet there's no bottom to the tunnel.

So, I pondered about her question, asking me if I can see the silver lining and look past it to the lesson therein. "You mean do I see it as half full or half empty?" I asked?  That was, she confirmed, her question.

Of course, since rising that day I had been holding back screams, and part of me was aggressively looking for an abandoned Buick that I could throw through a plate glass window to adequately display my frantic state. Alas, no sedans were lying by the side of the road so I gathered my courage, put on cute shoes and headed out with my happy face to greet the world. When I finally answered her I was actually surprised at my lucid response, happy at least that there was a modicum of composure left in which to couch my opinion.

"Trying to find the silver lining in this is simply a waste of time. To be honest I don't see it as half empty or half full. I see it as all empty." She looked at me like she hoped her car was parked far enough away that I couldn't get to it.

"You see, there is nothing redeeming about this problem. We're dealing with people who are not willing to be honest, an outcome that won't give anyone relief, and a process that will do nothing but drain our energy. We are a pawn dealing with due process. So....Here's what I think. The key here, is to look to another glass completely. The lesson; to realize that I cannot control this, so I shouldn't let it control me. If I do, then all the many wonderful things all around me won't be visible or available. Given that, I choose to stay open and not give any of this my energy."

Hmmm. I felt better already, and saying it made me feel a little more in control. But what you don't know is that for the 40 minutes leading up to that question we had mentioned over and over again how wonderful it always felt to get together to share inspiration and uplift each other, and that trying to muster courage and strength without reaching out to others is simply not possible. The 'girlfriend' lunch had shored me up and restored me.

I share this with you because although you look composed, (yes, I pay attention to what's in your eyes when I meet you...) and you talk like everything is fine, I suspect we are all looking for something large and heavy to throw or whack or punch at from time to time. What we should be looking for is connection with others to help us nurture the inspiration needed to reinvent. Or at least a good look at what's in the glass.

I invite you to join us for our August event, and SEEK TO BE INSPIRED!

Gratitude or Platitudes, What's for dinner this Thanksgiving?

plat•i•tude – noun / 1. A flat, dull, or trite remark, esp. one uttered as if it were fresh or profound.


My turkey roaster has surely been one of the best things I ever purchased. It allows my plump bird to roast and simmer in an out of the way place and it still fills my home with the smell of herbs and butter and the promise of silky gravy. I AM grateful for that, nothing trite about it.

But, I am not without guile. I have other things on my mind, namely that Thanksgiving has come too soon and requires energy I once again find in short supply.

Because this is an American holiday, unifying faiths and backgrounds, it seems only natural that we would discard our feelings of un-fairness, and let the rolls rise, the cranberries pop and the yams, well yam, in peace. Instead I feel the tug of another holiday season bearing down on me. Maybe you do as well.

If you're finding that your gratitudes are turning into platitudes, maybe you need some girl time with Networking, Women and Wine to help you refuel and retool before the 25th and the barrage of family and food.

Hope top see you November 10th at D'vine Wine for Thanksgiving Wines, Authentic Connections and 5 tips to help you create a WOW table for less!

A safe place to be with women is Networking, Women and Wine!

Atlanta, Georgia is a fascinating city of old and new, youth and history, wealth and poverty. I spent the weekend in this city of Tara and sweet tea to relax, eat and laugh. Buckhead, our destination, is especially intriguing. The buildings are like fashion models dressed in the latest and most bizarre designs. They tower above the landscape, vying for your attention and the ‘wow’ you cannot help but utter when you see them. Colored glass, curving metal, angled windows, twisting corners; the variations are endless!


One cannot view this strutting display of architectural daring without thinking about the social scene within most women’s circles. Each enters the room adorned more brightly than the last. As women, we know that we will be inspected and reviewed, head to toe, by all the other women in the room. Compared, cataloged and then judged we will break up into groups wherein we feel comfort or an ability to blend in. Those who don’t will spend the evening either trying to break in, or feeling more desperate than before.

All men know women dress for women. Pocketbooks are not for comfort, they are for scale and show. Shoes are not for walking, they present that last bright exclamation of awe, and hair is certainly the crown of our ensemble. But consider this thought, even though the idea is to stand out; our natural chemistry as women is to find consensus, equality, and safety. Our hormonal balance is at its most efficient when we are comforting each other. So why do our actions seem to be in opposition to our true, inner needs?

Networking, Women and Wine speaks a lot of about ‘filling the vessel.’ What we mean is that all strength, all value and all growth comes from having balance inside us. Only then will our inner souls or vessels have the fuel and nourishment to nurture ourselves and others, see the path we’re meant to take, and find truth and peace in each day. Now it’s not that we don’t love talking about bracelets, cute shoes, fun earrings and the like, it’s just that in our meetings we talk opening and encouragingly and honestly about the hard, and judging dynamic we often create among women. We seek then to create a safe place for you to find new friends, to talk about your fears, your dreams, and your abilities as well as talk of uplifting things, with like minded women.

In April, as Uncle Sam smugly walks away with our hard earned money, we must find new ways to balance our finances. And we don’t mean taking a pen and balancing your checkbook. We going to talk about taking a mental assessment of the things that are dragging you down financially and how to find more value and joy in yourself and what you truly need to be happy. If you do consider joining us, this is not a gathering where you will feel like a stranger. In fact most of the women in our group say that you feel like you belong the moment you walk in.

Join us April 28th at D’Vine Wine to see what we’re all about!

Your only moment to manage is NOW - 5 tips to balance your time!

For purposes of becoming at peace with time we must understand that there is no other moment than now, no other place than here, no other decision than ours, no other emotion to choose but joy. Each is a miracle because is authored by us. We have the free will to make it wonderful!

1. Don’t spend ANY more time worrying about what others think of you. Whether it’s your kids, your mother, or your neighbor, free yourself of this burden. You cannot control their thoughts, and truly they are seeing you through their lens. Your ability to move forward without looking back will free you of these shackles and give you more time to achieve, dream and renew!

2. Eliminate the toxic elements of your life. This means people, activities, habits, even language. Although this requires a bit more courage, being truly honest about the things that drag you down, and deciding to purge yourself, will lighten your load. This may mean that some people who have been in your life for a long time will no longer occupy any or all of your life. But you must determine this with honesty and a true desire to move forward.

3. Slow down your rhythm and the elegance of life’s timing will be in your favor. I travel 10 miles up 521 to the freeway. The speed limit has just been changed to 45. I am constantly being passed by people who I again meet at a stop light. It is turning green for me and I rarely stop. They have been fuming for 30 seconds waiting for the green. We inevitably arrive at the on-ramp at the same time but the difference is I enjoyed my journey. No one takes time from you, and no one creates it. Each moment exists in perfect, sequential harmony. Make each moment that ticks meaningful, only you can do that.

4. Do things right the first time. From dishes, to laundry to filling up the car with gas, make it right and do it well. Even though it may take a few more minutes, you’ll be free of the task when it is done. Those little minutes that you’re trying to save by hurrying, will, without some sort of discipline, multiply like bunnies when you return to complete the task! Take pride and focus on one thing at a time. Give each task its due and respect. Assign every minute honor and awe. Squeeze the life and color and melody out of each second and it will, in turn, play music that makes life rhythmic.

5. Access experts and mentors. Yes, we often make fun of the men in our lives for not asking directions. But as women, we like to think we can figure anything out ourselves. Although we don’t discount our ability to multi-task, if you have found you need a little help, save time by asking someone who has already shortened the curve. Need to know when to turn the roast down from 400 degrees to 325? Call mom. What does that red light means on the dash? Call Manny at the station. Need to know how to make your DVD recorder work? Call your 5 year old niece.

All of these tips are meant to work in harmony. As you add each to your life they will create a more quiet and obvious path for you and you will be living more honestly and with wellness. This is the key to nurturing your noble traits!

If you feel like everyone wants a little piece of you, read on.

It's true. Those little candy hearts know the real story. They have short, sweet, concise messages that get misunderstood by young and old alike.

Think about 4th grade: You plop the candy in an envelope, pass it back to the row behind you and soon Billy Smith is reading -YOU'RE CUTE!- and you're toast!

Seems today it's even harder to say the right things to the right people. Valentine's or not, we're all over stimulated and under motivated and giving "love" just feels like one more chore.

You are overwhelmed because you cannot find within yourself the wellspring of more to give because you are empty. You have not refilled the vessel because, in reality you do not no how to truly care for yourself. Carl Jung said, "The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely." In that is all the western truth of our gender. We have been trained to see ourselves as broken and un-whole. We have found fault in all our failures instead of experience. We have found ugliness in our wrinkles instead of wisdom. And we have found weakness in our tears instead of compassion.

On February 10th, we will explore these subjects, and share some new ideas with you that you can explore, to help increase your ability to love yourself. In essence we will help you fill your own vessel in a balanced, loving and nurturing way. As Mae West said so blatantly, "I don't like myself, I'm crazy about myself!"

Well, maybe there's a place in-between for all of us noble women.

You need to decide what's worthy of your INBOX

It hit me, as I was depressing the ENTER button that would effectively release the trap door on my SPAM folder, that I hadn't even reviewed its contents this go around before trashing it. Gone were the 13 messages clogging it as I moved dutifully through my morning rituals.

It seems all our lives have now been relegated into two folders: Good Email and Bad Email. It's more than a PC problem, it's a PEOPLE problem.

I know I've done this: When a friend asks if you received the invite to the tree planting ceremony you never intended to patronize, you immediately offer the excuse, "It must have gone into my SPAM folder." Likewise, many important messages languish there, having been assigned to its abysmal location because of a tricky title, spelling error or just because your Email client simply decided to send it there. It's turning into our conscious on a disk!



What strikes me is that we allow this categorization to be a key component of our time management arsenal. As new ways to communicate enter our daily march from sunrise to sunset, we also find more ways to eliminate what passes through to us. And happily so. This electronic communications filter with a brain that is only explained by Physicists and Mystics, helps us to avoid the mundane and concentrate on the seemingly valid messages that harmoniously reside in our InBox. The trouble is, I still get advertisements for digestive health pills and truncated promises about wrinkle reduction right next to news from my business partner.



Again, we are faced with a metaphor about choices. In our innate human rhythm, we are willing to relegate our judgement of communication to a sentinel who appears to subliminally care about our priorities. Because this sorter resides in OUR computer, we're more than happy to overlook messages marked useless by this shaman of electronic babble. Have we looked into why we're happy with a Good-Mail, Bad-Mail color guard? And could it be, that in our own minds, we have innocently developed a good thought, bad thought lens that is just as arbitrary?



The contemporary truth in the phrase, "thoughts become things" is celebrated with a crescendo of hope with every book and workshop created. And with good reason. We need to take back our own decision making process. But the flippant effect of SPAM vs. INBOX, I fear, gives a false sense of thinking we're eliminating the real bad from the real good, instead of the comfortable from the uncomfortable, or the popular from the anonymous.



SPAM is kinda like that. There's enough 'uncomfortable content' in that folder, that we skim the titles and assume, with little or no cognitive engineering, that most of it is bad. And yet if something foolish, like an Email from a Facebook friend comes in the In-Box, asking us to compare ourselves to which shellfish we most resemble, we're all in. It's easier, isn't it. We've been given permission from the great Windows guru that it's okay.

Try this if we've got you thinking now about your good/bad Email decisions. For just two hours, (because we know you have to update your Facebook invites) try writing down the titles of all the Emails you open in that time. Then make a list of all the Emails you trash. See if you can't find a gem hiding in the BAD folder and a stinker residing in the GOOD one. Perhaps it will push you to make sure your own choices each day are not guided by habit, fear, peer pressure, or sleep deprivation but a value system with intention.



Then, resolve and say aloud, "This message is part of my responsibility as a choice. For answering it will push my life's desires and the good of others forward." Your answers may surprise you and help guide you in choosing what you will do with each day, each little folder, each little muscle in your fingers that runs your world with the words, OPEN, COMPOSE, SEND.

Celebrate Yourself. You are a Hero for any moment of courage!

A recent conversation with a friend yielded in interesting insight. A bright, successful and attractive women, who, like many of us has dealt with struggles and previous choices that were self-deprecating and perhaps destructive, she seemed poised to start on any journey of her choice, Armed with maturity, a pedigree of success, and a wisdom borne through experience she emulated the woman we all want to be.

However, she was blocked by a recurring sense of self doubt that was keeping her from exploring the abundance and possibility before her. The seeds of this sense of helplessness surfaced because she felt she hadn't learned to completely overcome the moments of despair. She was punishing herself because she had to work hard at finding the courage to move forward at times when the demons she felt as a child, were pushing hard at her core. Mentioning the countless things she had accomplished, but labeling them failures because she couldn't emerge without having to navigate through her self-doubt, I turned to her and said,

"It seems to me you are not celebrating your times of braveness. You are not rewarding yourself for the great deal of courage it has taken you to learn to have this positive dialog with yourself to pry yourself from these moments of darkness.You must be your own cheerleader and celebrate what is your most courageous triumph; that of helping yourself to see that you can find the light."

I could see by the look in her eyes she had not thought about being her own coach and supporter. A new smile grew on her face as she touched my shoulder. She could see clearly that she had not seen or taken credit for the courage she truly had.

In this month of new resolutions, of change, and hope, don't forget to be kind and gentle with yourself. As you heap upon yourselves the list of resolutions you deem important, keep in mind that you must balance them with kindness and insight. Knowing that the true hero is one who knows fear and channels it. Only the fool rushes in without knowing the cost and the brave are always celebrated for showing their wounds.

Come celebrate your own courage, taste fine wine, and make meaningful connections with Networking, Women and Wine!

Balancing Your Resolutions With Reality

It's funny, isn't it. In the blink of an eye we have arrived to see a new year, a new decade, a new month simply appear before us. All around the clear, cold air seems to glisten with hope and possibility. The bobbles that adorn our trees, or the candles that lite our nights, or even the families that have shared our bathrooms; all have gone away leaving us alone with our conscience and our intentions.

Now that it's just you and that little voice inside your head, you're probably following the crowd by listing out your resolutions. One more carrot stick and one less caramel macchiato. One more sit-up and one less slice of pecan pie. It's a see-saw of giving up and replacing old habits with new ones. A willingness to ignore temptation, followed by a cardboard reward.

Hmmm. I don't know about you, but I doubt that I'll make it to September without a chocolate chip cookie. Good chance that breakfast will be one of those cookies before the week is out considering it's my husband's favorite and he can eat ANYTHING he likes. And of course, when it does happen -- when I fall off the wagon, I'll fall into a pit of cookie dough and vanish into the mixture like slightly beaten eggs and creamed butter.

Carmen and I have a different approach for you. Let's talk with a new language about change. Shall we? In fact,let's simply just 'do change' in a whole new way. We will, together, approach each shift in our lives with gentleness and mindful nurturing. We will create abundance through the desire to change, with the idea that we need balance to maintain new habits. And last but not least, we will seek to surround ourselves with what we're yearning for, without hearing that harsh wooshing sound as all our comfort foods, habits and vices vanish into an abyss of non-achievable goals. In short, you will grow and not even know it!

2010's theme this year is The Year of Balance. What that means, is that if you're going to create shifts, you must be conscious of how to replace them in a gentle, kind and conscious fashion with other meaningful things.

This month seek out other strong women who can nurture your noble traits as women. We'll enjoy and learn about wine, create a safe place to find meaningful connections, and offer you a place to begin your NEW YEAR OF INTENTION!